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A brief note on feeling disappointed

Sometimes, we feel disappointment.

Sometimes, it happens like this:
You’re a person who is alone a lot. You are very picky with whom you share your time and space. So, it’s exciting to every once in a great while meet someone who fits in your world.  Thankfully, no matter how old you get, the butterflies never die. And when you meet someone who makes their wings flutter, you hear birds singing and your heart rises up in your chest and pounds near the surface. We know this feeling.
We are so happy.  We have hope. We feel love. We have more energy. We smile more.

Here’s the thing; the flip side to all that is the devastation that comes when that Other Person looks at you one day and says, “what? you knew all along I was already in love with someone else”.

Then… silence.

It’s like a sharp cold wind just came and swept the butterflies out the door. The door slams behind them. The birds are silent. There’s not even a cricket off in the distance. No. Its just dead quiet. The room fills with chilly water and your heart gets swept out to sea. It’s taken by the undertow and dragged along the jagged gravel and rocks on the bottom.  People can see it under your eyes and in your posture.  The undertow took your heart and you’re just getting sucked farther out from shore.
Just like the signs say at the beach, if you can somehow manage to calm down and relax you will eventually be released from the undertow, you’ll get back to the surface before long and you can gasp for air and start that long trudge back to shore.  Back to safety. Its a long lonely swim back in. You’re afraid someone will call out and ask where the heck you’ve been.  Why do you look so worn and ragged?  You don’t want to talk about it.  You just want to nurse your wounds and work on your stroke so the next time you’ll be stronger. Faster. You might see it coming and out-distance it.

So that‘s the thing with feeling disappointed.  You don’t always get to see it coming, all of a sudden it’s just there. Right before you take that last futile and desperate gulp of air on your way under. You’ll return a little more worn and scarred. But those lines on our face tell the story of a heart’s triumphs and defeats and we wear them for others to see and admire in the hopes that they’ll have the courage to experience them for themselves. It’s what makes us who we are.  We continue to pray that eventually we’ll find that person who wants to raise their glass to meet ours over and over again.

So the trick is to remain calm and go with the flow (even if it feels like its the wrong direction) and trust that soon you’ll come out on top again.

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